Bring your best self to light - December 2007
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The Lesson of Death...and why life really does go on
I'm sorry if I've started with a morbid theme..particularly at this time of year! My mother died on 23 November and I've been processing it since. I've noticed several things about the death, the funeral and the aftermath
- Funeral Friends: If a close family member dies, expect to see people at the funeral who have barely given you (or the dead person) the time of day over the past while...when you could have done with their support. They will probably cry too. Be prepared for certain people (that you may have done a lot for) to disappear at this time. Part of me wanted to cut them dead. Another part of me reminded me of funerals I have not gone to at all...and people that maybe I should have supported more.
- Life after death: One of the things I've drawn huge comfort from is that (a) I believe in a life after death and (b)believe that my mother is in a place where she is fully and truly alive...not the shell of herself as she has been over the last year. I think this has helped make the whole thing much easier..
- Comfort of the familiar: During the whole thing one thought kept recurring...how much I wanted my own life back...a life not dominated by illness, nursing homes and death.a life of simple pleasures and gratitude for what I have..
- Unexpected kindness: . I felt deeply touched by the help and kindness I got from people, some of whom I would consider as bare acquaintances...the kindness and empathy of people that I have worked with was also deeply touching...
- Culture shock: What I feel now reminds me of what I felt when I returned from Cameroon after 2 and a half year...it's my life but different. It's now a life without my mother's physical presence but one without the illness that has dominated life for the past few months. It's a bit disorienting but I suspect too that I will feel more liberated in certain areas of my life as well..
- Life is short...I mean really short!: It's too short to keep putting off what you really want to do, too short to hang onto that grudge (at least try to let it go!), too short to have people in your life who suck the life out of you, too short NOT to take that risk, to tell people that you love them...just DO IT!!!
- Your legacy: There was a lot of people at my mother's funeral. She was not a CEO of a company and she was never in the paper. A lot of them were people that she was just kind and respectful to. She saw everyone as being of value and treated those who didn't always fit in with especial kindness...even if they really exasperated her at times. She was always willing to help people and had a great sense of humour. She was hospitable and welcoming to visitors...even if she occasionally moaned about them afterwards!
- Life is bigger than death: ALWAYS! In my mother's room in the nursing home, there was a wonderful Pauline Bewick picture of a newly born boy with adult hands eager to welcome him. Outside the window, I watched the dawn several times and used to watch birds plucking berries from the bushes. While my mother was sick, my cousin gave birth to much cherished twins...
Take Action!
- Make a list of what you want to do before you die...and do something about it this year. Unfortunately a time will come when you are too old/dead to do them...
- Develop a kindness habit. This is something you can do every day to make your world a better place. I usually let people with less shopping in ahead of me at supermarkets..what simple daily habit could you start that could enhance the quality of life for others...
- What do you want people to say about you when you die? How could you do more of this quality?
- What are you grateful for about your life? Get really specific...I like always having hot water in the morning. I love my morning cup of coffee.
- Who do you need to forgive? Remember the only person getting hurt by the grudge is you. Give yourself time.. wanting to forgive them is a start. Consider booking a consciousness shifting session to give you a quick start.
- What would make 2008 your best year ever ever???
Master Your Money
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Bits & Pieces -
Best year yet - online system
One of my favourite things to do over Christmas is to reflect on the past year and plan the coming one. One of the most effective ways I have found to plan for the year is the Jinny Ditzler system; Best year yet. You can check out a free online workshop here
Last minute gifts!
A couple of weeks ago, I recommended www.spailpin.com for gifts. They have a distinctive Irish/Gaelic flavour and to be honest it beats paying brand names for the privilege of advertising their products...but hey that's another story!
Recommended - what I'm reading/watching
American Gangster: Went to see Ridley Scott's new movie a couple of weeks ago. Not sure if it's *quite* the masterpiece some of the critics are calling it. But any movie with both Russell Crowe and Denzel Washington is worth the price of admission...both men are at the top of their game. Josh Brolin gives a blistering performance as a corrupt cop...would not be surprised to see his name up for an Oscar nomination...
Jesus before Christianity: (by Albert Nolan). This book is recommended reading for the Diploma course I am doing..and I'm genuinely startled and delighted by it. It puts Jesus in the context of his time and place and highlights how "strange" he must have seemed...very refreshing..