Bring your best self to light - July 2007
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Musings - getting an unwanted life makeover
For the last couple of months I've been dealing with an unwanted family situation. My mother has cancer and is currently in hospital undergoing treatment. Frankly, it's a tough time. Some of the things I'm struggling with are: my own reactions...it's a time when everyone's nerves are a bit frayed so it means we all have to be more careful with each other than usual. . It's relatively easy to maintain cheerful relations when it's at a relative distance...more challenging when we are being put in close proximity and being more dependent on each other. It's interesting also to observe how similar familial patterns of reactions emerge and how these patterns can really infuriate and irritate when observed in others...of course when it's me, I have a good excuse <g>. It's not helped by the fact that each hospital visit is a 100 mile round trip
I'm also a person who dislikes the whole illness/sickness paraphernalia. I dislike going to the doctor never mind having to spend lots of time in hospitals...it gets a bit depressing when the canteen staff ask "Do you work here?" Depending on my mood, I smile and say No. Or fix a baleful eye on the poor unfortunate and say steelily..."absolutely not. I'm just here more often than I wish to be. "I find myself observing several things about this whole illness culture. First of all, doctors are not really trained to deal with individuals/families..it's sort the illness and well, if the treatment cause drastic side-effects...it's collateral damage and has to be put up with...sort of "friendly fire". Having said that...you can really see how hard they try to deal kindly, honestly and respectfully with each patient.
Secondly, it seems to me that if you plead illness/old age that it's seen as a licence to get away with behaviour that can be considered pretty difficult to deal with. Could I point out that I'm not judging this behaviour...I'm just observing and trying to focus on how I can handle it in a way that is respectful to me and others and that I will not regret. I also know that we are all doing the best we can. And before you fire off an e-mail to me pointing out that I have never been sick and so I wouldn't know etc...I'm well aware of that. My focus is on how I can get through the whole situation with grace, peace and without killing anyone. I also know that there are going to be people who will probably object to me saying this...and I've thought long and hard about leaving it in..but I want to be as authentic as possible...and this is where I'm at.
So what am I finding useful? Well one thing is that I make sure I'm keeping other aspects of my life going well...working, learning, training, immediate family, regular exercise, self-care, a regular spiritual practice. I'm refusing to let the illness be the flavour of my life. When I feel tired and resentful I stop before it carries over into how I treat other family members. I haven't always done that successfully but the ratio of external expression to internal fury is relatively low! I've also found it really powerful to have a safe space where I can just let off steam and vent about the whole situation. I'm also observing that it takes two to have a tug of war..so let me be the one not to pick up the rope..
.I've also found the process of consciousness shifting which I'm currently learning how to do really really powerful in helping me unblock the resistance that would stop me being the kind calm loving person I want to be....I feel so lucky and privileged to get to learn how to do this stuff and I can hardly wait to get reasonably competent enough to try it on people outside the group I am working with...
Beyond that I feel as though what I'm undergoing is the equivalent of having a house renovated: lots of walls being knocked down, dust, mess, chaos, forgotten messes emerging from cupboards, stuff that I had ignored or forgotten popping up to be dealt with. Could I point out that I don't particularly want this makeover in this way? I mean if a house could talk..would it want to be renovated? Probably not... But I believe that it will ultimately lead me to having greater faith, patience, kindness, self-knowledge and self-restraint than I probably ever would have had.
Take Action!
If you are currently going through a situation that you find stressful and challenging...ask yourself what could be one good outcome/side-effect of it?
Judith Morgan - Elite Entrepreneurs Club
Do you have a business that you want to bring to the next level? Do you want to have a B2L (business to love) and a life...not just a business that consumes life, love and family and still doesn't give you the living you dreamed of...well then why not consider working with Judith for a year. I've worked with Judith and I think she's great...she's utterly practical, down to earth but inspirational and really walks her talk (big thing for me). She also has the ability to see and think big for YOU...when you feel as though you've had enough and just want to give it up. Wouldn't it be fun to be part of a group of people who would inspire and challenge you and who are facing the same problems?
Check out this website...and if you decide to join, tell Judith: Anne Walsh sent you...<g>
If you are thinking about doing this...why not listen into the last introductory call I did...you can download it at: http://www.annewalshcoach.com/teleclass.htm
I really love doing this programme with clients. It's the most amazing thing to watch people begin to give themselves permission to ask what they really want and DO IT (despite the voice in their head howling with disapproval...<g>). It really helps get you clear about what you really want...what I like about it as well is that it focuses on the WHO, not just the WHAT. It's about your whole life, not just what you are good at.
Read more about the whole programme at www.nowwhatcoaching.com
Recommended - what I'm reading/listening to
This man has it all: talent, good looks, sex appeal and a very attractive warm humourous personality. His concert in Dublin was fantastic...slick but yet he connected powerfully with the audience. One of the most powerful things for me about his music is the unabashed joy and exuberance that exudes from it. Also, there was no lip-synching there...the voice you heard at the concert was the voice you heard from the record: .powerful and emotional. He is due to come to Ireland again on 1st and 2nd August (for the concert he had to cancel in June)
Futuresex/lovesounds by Justin Timberlake.
JT always reminds me of a neighbour's teenage son..he has that slightly gauche look of a 16 year old who has just started shaving..but I love this record..although 11 year old son finds me singing along with him very undignified...to say the least..<g>
St. Benet's Novels by Susan Howatch.
This is a trilogy of novels written by the wonderful Susan Howatch about a healing centre in modern London. I've just re-read the final one in the trilogy: "The Heartbreaker" which is about a "leisure worker" who meets up with the people in St. Benet's and how this leads to his redemption...
www.cartell.ie : Are you considering purchasing a car but want to know if it's already been crashed/taxied/financed etc? check out this new website...It'll give you the lowdown on a car you are interested in.
Just had a brainstroke...wonder could you do something similar for someone you want to go out with or go into business with..you know check if they've had a divorce/children/bankruptcy/mental illness/all of the above <g>. Could you get reports from previous lovers/employers/family members???? <g>
I recently got a new car (great bargain: 4 year old car, 14,000 miles, showroom condition) at www.carzone.ie
Check out these dance moves...evolution of dance
WHY GOD MADE MOMS ...
BRILLIANT! These are answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions!!
What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.