Bring your best self to light - July 2008
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Dealing with toxic people..one type at a time!
One topic that comes up frequently amongst people who are attempting to live a life that is happier, more authentic and more aware is how to deal with toxic people. Let's face it, in many cases we live with or work with people we consider toxic - so how do we deal with them in a way that doesn't allow their negativity and toxicity to affect us but also to recognise at the same time they are fellow human beings entitled to our respect. I thought I'd take a some what light hearted approach to some of the types I've seen..
Gleeful George: George loves to point out everything that's wrong with this country/neighbours/government and is convinced everyone is out to get him. He's happy when things go wrong because they prove him right! He is usually oblivious to the good that is done or progress made because let's face it...all those people have an ulterior motive. The best way to deal with George is (a) don't argue with him...it's like mud-wrestling with a pig (b) notice that the Georges of this world often are good neighbours and friends - they make exceptions for people they know!
Me me me Megan: No matter what you have gone through or done, Megan has gone one further and she has suffered more. You talk about the recent health scare you had ...Megan half-listens (usually getting up half way to complain about something), and then launches into the REAL part of the conversation...how a shop assistant said something rude to her and it was so APPALLING!! You win the Nobel Prize..Megan mutters congratulations and then talks ad nauseum about the new pair of shoes she got. How to deal with Megan: (a) accept she will never change, the only one in Megan's universe is Megan. (b) Megans can often be quite entertaining...enjoy them for that.
Critical Catherine: No matter where Catherine has worked, nobody EVER did a good job. They were all (without exception) badly run and she was the only person who understood the true reality of the situation. They are very very quick to criticise - they are the type who criticise mothers (usually they don't have children themselves) for how they feed their children. They will come to your house and will come out from the bathroom asking for a cloth "to clean it up a bit", visibly trying not to gag at the state of your bath. How to deal with Catherine (a) don't invite her to your house - she'll be well meaning but leave you feeling as though you should just call in Aggie and the fumigators. (b) Don't confuse her apparent superiority with real wisdom...she's just a nit-picking perfectionist and take most of what she says with a dash of salt.
Victim Veronica: Poor Veronica has an awful life. Her parents didn't appreciate her, she was poor growing up, she got no chances. Her husband left her, she is walked on at work. Her favourite saying is "it's alright for some". If you actually saw her life, you would be quite surprised to see that she now has a husband who loves her, beautiful children, a comfortable home, good job and she is also talented and capable. This is all glossed over by the AWFULNESS of her life. Dealing with Veronica: (a) know that she sees the world with blinkered, grey tinted glasses and adjust your response to what she says accordingly. (b) When in conversation with her, do try to gently attempt to steer the conversation to other topics...it can be done!
Now, I'm sure you probably recognise the type there somewhere...maybe you have even been one (or more!) of these types at some stage...here are some more general tips for dealing with toxic people.
- Simply their best: Know that they are doing the best they can..even if it doesn't seem like it. If you saw the world as they did...you'd probably do what they do..
- Family Limits: If your family members fall into this category...work to keep your time with them to a limit. Know the limit beyond which you will lose your patience with them and work to stay within that. They are not going to change because you disagree with them.
- Toxic people as practical tests: Instead of asking yourself why you are "attracting" these people into your life...why not see them as the Universe giving you a chance to road test your own growth. It's easy to be positive around positive people...the real test is can you stay that way around toxic ones?
- Fill your own tank: Being around toxic people can be very very draining. Make sure you have built up a routine of doing the things that support you feeling good...it's so much easier to deal with them when you are feeling calm and centred yourself.
- Push the button: When you are outside the situation, take time to see what about that person really gets you. Debbie Ford has done some great work around this. What is the unacknowledged aspect of yourself that they are igniting?
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If you have recently been made redundant (or if it looks as though it could happen!)and are thinking about a career change..this process could be ideal for you...You can read about it here. You can also read more about the originator of the process at: www.laurabermanfortgang.com and www.nowwhatcoaching.comThe first step would be to e-mail me and we can set up a no-obligation conversation around it...
Consciousness shifting
This work is both very systematic and intuitive. It gets to the root of an
issue quickly and painlessly. It may sort an issue in a session but more often -
particularly if it's a deep rooted issue - it will peel a layer off it. I feel
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I'm still offering
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and you can read some more of the testimonials
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One word though...If you book a complimentary session and you can't make it, PLEASE let me know. I've had a few instances of no-shows and frankly I find it frustrating and inconsiderate...particularly as the slots fill up quite quickly...
If you have already availed of the complimentary session, why not consider booking another...just click here..it's just €65 for subscribers to this ezine..consider it part of your summer clean-up!
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Here are some testimonials
I had a session with her recently and was astounded at the results. The session enabled me to be very clear indeed on the right course of action for me and I found myself behaving differently immediately, shifting quite naturally to a new and powerful way of thinking.
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Bits & Pieces - Special summer offer coming up!
Special Summer Offer: I am planning to offer my subscribers a special offer of a bundle of e-books at a great discount...watch this space! They include books on personal development, business building and creating joy in your life...watch this space! In July/August I'll be doing a special offer on my e-book Master Your Money with lots of extra bonuses!
Recommended - what I'm reading/watching
Refuse to choose by Barbara Sher: If you are a person with many interests (many of which you have begun but not finished). If you are constantly being told that you should just choose one thing and stick at it (but you just can't do that..), Barbara Sher would call you a scanner...and you are in good company. Leonardo Da Vinci was a scanner...and she argues that it's only over the last 150 years that the value of scanners have been ignored. They are usually highly capable with widely divergent interests...
Careless in Red by Elizabeth George: This is one of Elizabeth George's best books to date (and she is a superb writer). She brings back her hero Thomas Lynley as he struggles with the loss of his wife. It deals beautifully and compassionately with family dynamics and the damage that can be wreaked by emotionally careless people. Highly recommended.
Steering by Starlight: Finding your right life no matter what by Martha Beck. I have to say I love Martha Beck. She's got this great combination of brilliant wit, zesty intelligence, love and compassion that I really relish. This is her latest book and it's about connecting with your real self...and how to combine focussing on what brings you joy with practical fun steps to do that. It's full of exercises to help you with that and it's full of fun...highly recommended!